Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Passing Time...

Mine and Ben's days usually go like this lately: Alarm goes off at 6am, Ben gets ready for work and I get up with him and make him the biggest breakfast buffet--Nope, totally kidding about the big breakfast buffet part. Actually truth be told I sleep in another hour. Reality: He wakes me up to say goodbye, he leaves for work and is there by 7 and I wake up at 8am usually or a little after he wakes me up. He works til about 5pm so while he's been working these couple of weeks, I've been finding things to do to pass time as it seems to be going by rather slow these days. Because I'm still looking for a job or some volunteer work I can do, I spend my days organizing the house, cleaning, doing some online summer classes and reading my amazing historical fiction book series (I'm a bookworm and I think that history of the world is rich). I haven't had a lot of lazy days but rather productive days and now I've been just making some finishing touches to the house, such as needing to hang up some shelves, decorations and finding a few necessary items that each household needs that we didn't realize we lacked til later...oops!

But the days have been slow even though I've been productive, working hard and enjoying being a housewife (with no crying babies for the time being is nice might I add) in this short season of my life. So I am starting to wonder "Okay Jesus, being that I'm all alone in this house and I'm eventually not going to be doing this whole moving in touches forever, what do you want me to do here?"

That is the question! as Shakespeare might have put it. And truth be told, I'm not quite sure what the answer is but I know God does and I'm not anxious or scared because He knows. But then the selfish part of me is like "A...hmm...uh God, would ya mind throwing something at me now? Getting a little bored down here..."

It's true. I won't deny it since God knows that part of me feels that way. Despite my productivity, hard-work and determination to get this house all cute and clean, I am getting a little bored these days and my list of to-do's is getting shorter. Just when I start to think that God isn't going to make me wait on Him the moment we got to Winona to start the next chapter of our lives, He makes me wait again. I sometimes wonder if He thinks it's funny that I thought this, knowing that my own father when I was a little girl used to think it was funny when I foolishly thought I'd never have to wait on something again once I reached a certain age or point in my life. I remember that big smile of my dad's when he'd say to me "You're going to have to wait...life is a game of waiting!" and he'd laugh, knowing that one day I would get what he meant. I think now I might have a little stronger of a flavor of what he meant by that...

So while the selfish part of me wants to know what I'll be doing with my days now, I know that the Spirit that God has put in me encourages me to not lose faith, to choose God's joy, be thankful, show patience and to show self-control. Galatians 5:22-23 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" (NIV).

I know that in my waiting now, I'm going to grow in these things. I know that in my waiting, if I pray for an even BIGGER measure of these fruits listed in that passage, that God will freely give me opportunities that will help me obtain bigger measures of them. I know that the selfish part of me is never going to go away and that I'm always going to have to fight against it and I'm going to have to fight against it by praying and trusting God's faithful hand. Not one time has He ever left me or not inclined His ear to my prayers and I know that if I persist in prayer and keeping the faith (yes even whilst I'm bored!), that God will reveal what He has in store for me in due time. I've not had the greatest attitude some days of waiting but now that I've begun to realize that God has me wait to help me grow, I've learned that He gives me the choice to change my attitude, choose JOY and the fruits of His Holy Ghost!

I hope that my thoughts might encourage someone today. I know someone like me is waiting on something with the Lord too and that God will use my collection of thoughts here today to uplift someone else. Know that you're not alone in your waiting, that life has a lot of seasons of waiting that just won't go away magically and that we have to make war on the part of us that wants to be selfish, stamp our foot and just take control instead of trusting in Jesus and letting Him take the reigns. 

With love,

Sarah Illick :)

2 comments:

  1. I don't think I could love you more!!! I'm always so encouraged after reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm going through a similar phase in my life now so thanks for posting this. It is nice to know that I'm not alone with my "what do you want me to do here and now?" :) Keep posting!

    ReplyDelete