Tuesday, August 6, 2013

"Once You're Married, You're Stuck". Truth or Lie?

Ben and I had a lot of people tell us before we got married some of these things: "Once you're married, you won't be able to travel", "Once you're married you can't fulfill a lot of your dreams unlike if you were single", "Once you're married, you're stuck" and even "Once you are married and have kids, you are tied down and retirement starts to look real good".

I remember that as a bride-to-be and newly engaged woman, so in love, hearing those things and being like "Pfffft! Whatever". They didn't scare me at first. Ben felt the same.

I'm a twenty year old woman and in today's culture, I've lived life my life abnormally and gone against what people usually do or what they're "supposed" to do in today's world. Most days, people my age are not married, in their second or third year of school, traveling around, dating around and doing a lot of other crazy stuff. Then after that, they are career-oriented and focused women who want to climb the company ladder (most the time).

And it's crazy because I have always known I've never wanted that "stuff". I never wanted that life girls my age typically live and what comes after. But then once I got married and "settled down", I started to have a lot of new emotions because I was experiencing all these new things. Those feelings and statements that people made to me about getting married young and 'being tied down' started to haunt me and I began to be afraid. I began to be afraid and wondered "Do I lack something? Did I forget to do _______ before I got married?"

Meanwhile, while I was feeling those things, I recently just found out my hub was having some similar emotions thrown at him. There is a man who he works with who drives a VERY nice car, easily has millions, is single and doesn't seem to have a care in the world. My hubby found himself thinking "Wow...if I wasn't married...I probably would be doing that right now or something close..."

And you know what? Ben and I realized that all of those things that people were saying to us are true. Sure, you know what I could probably be backpacking around Europe and couch-surfing like I'd love to do, graduate college and climb my career choice's company ladder. And Ben could probably have a super nice car and lots of money if he wasn't "tied down" and married to me (wives are expensive if no one has ever told you).

OK, DONT PANIC after all you've just read. It gets better. I promise...

Then something really cool happened yesterday. While I was driving back from home, I had this little number run through my head...and I knew that this could only be God speaking to me...

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

    He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
-Psalm 23:1-3

"I lack nothing/I shall not want" kept running through my head. Over and over and over again. And then I realized that I had spent all this time believing the lies and fear that the enemy was throwing at me that "I lacked something" or "forgot to accomplish something before I got married". Then it had eventually turned into me thinking that I lacked something now that I was married. Just as Satan wanted, as I believe his goal is put a wedge between married couples. I remember driving home thinking, "Wow, I've been believing a lie". I was and Ben too. We had believed the lie of the enemy that having a spouse, something that is BLESSING from God, was going to limit us to what we can do in this life. Which is not true!

And it makes sense that Satan would try and do that. God's Word says that marriage is a blessing and that it is something beautiful when God is the center of it. So why wouldn't Satan try and distract you by reminding you about all the things you could have and do if you were only single or how much better you had it when you were single? Why wouldn't Satan want you to focus on the things that are of material and worldly value and not of eternal value? 

It was really wonderful that Ben and I were able to come together and share about how God has been working in our hearts on this one, this very thing that all married couples struggle with we think, and sadly why a lot of married couples choose to end their marriage because they can't see past the lie. And it was great that God brought Ben and I to the same page: "That we lack nothing; that God has guided us along the right path for His namesake." 

Truth is, yeah Ben and I could go out and do those things and have all of this cool stuff and collect all of these great experiences. But in the end, it's what we do for eternity that matters the most. In the end, having a marriage that centers around the Lord and His path for us is what has the MOST eternal value. We realized that we've been given everything by Him and that we truly don't lack anything. God has given us all that we need already, and for that Ben and I have a thankful heart. We don't need the glamour, the "stuff" that the world tells you will make you happy but will just leave you only wanting more and having you believe that you lack something. In the end, it's the things in your life that have eternal value that you leave you feeling satisfied in Jesus and the life He's given you.

My heart rejoices today as this is something that I truly believe has strengthened Ben and I's marriage relationship and relationship with God. But I also pray for those who are struggling with this very thing. I encourage you to not give up and to know that God has you where you are for a reason. I encourage you to count your blessings and see that the things you feel you are lacking might very well be material things that won't satisfy you. I encourage you to look at the blessings in your life, that God's Word says are a blessing, and ask yourself "Do I believe that these things are blessings? Or that they are causing me to lack in some way?". If you find that you are believing that those things that God calls "Blessings" and "Gifts" are something you think is holding you back, perhaps you are believing a lie somewhere in your life. Perhaps you have a wedge being stuck between you, God, your spouse or whoever that someone (cough...cough...Satan) has put there.

Be thankful today and encouraged. I spill out what's been going on my heart and how God's helped for a reason ;) 

With love,


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